Category Archives: Mommy Life

In the Weeds

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Last week was my first official full week on my own with the kids.  Monday wasn’t so bad because I had my mom’s of 2 group, and my husband worked from home to watch Oliver while me and Sammy were away.  Tuesday evening is when I suddenly found myself in the weeds.

Tuesday evening was my first time picking up Oliver from preschool on my own with newborn in tow.  The baby was relatively calm, although she would have been happier at home instead of in her carseat.  We arrived at the preschool, and Oliver’s classmates and one of the teachers cooed over her while I signed the check-out book.  The other teacher then pulled me aside to tell me that Oliver had pink eye.  GREAT!  Not only does he have a highly contagious disease, he’s not allowed to participate in his winter fiesta tomorrow.  We make it home and the rest of the night was spent cleaning Oliver’s eye, disinfecting the home, and keeping him away from the baby (it was a lot harder than it sounds because he loves helping out with the baby).

Wednesday the three of us were stuck at home and it was raining.  Most of my time was trying to stop Oliver from touching the baby and disinfecting the house.  His eye wasn’t gunky anymore, but it was still pink.  During that time there were points where I wanted to cry (naturally).

Thursday Oliver’s pink eye was gone, but then Sammy’s eye was pink.  GREAT!  Called the pedi, and they told us that it was more likely a clogged tear duct.  They said to come in if we wipe gunk out of her eye more than 3 times an hour or if it doesn’t clear up in three days.  Again it was raining, so we were stuck in the house.  But to top it all off, I was now sick–congested, coughing, and a runny nose.  SUPER GREAT!

Friday I lost my voice on top of feeling incredibly terrible.  I had a baby who was probably suffering from a clogged tear duct and a Wonder Week.  Oliver still had his cold.  Did I mention I didn’t feel well?

The weekend I began to feel better, although not 100%.  I’m still not 100% now.  But boy was I in the weeds last week.  In between the tears you just need to recite the mantra, “This too shall pass.”

Welcome Baby #2

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So a lot has happened since I last posted.  I had a NST (non-stress test) done on November 17th because (at that point) I was over due.  Turns out that I had low amniotic fluid, so I was sent to labor and delivery because today was going to be the day!  Half prepared (I had my stuff packed, Dan had most of his stuff packed), we nervously and excitedly crossed the street to labor and delivery.  In triage they checked again to see if there were any pockets of fluid missed during the NST.  Apparently a lot of things can shift and change, but the counts were still low.  So it was time for induction!

We got a really nice labor room–a corner room with a very lovely view of SF.  Because I was trying for a VBAC, they had to insert a foley bulb in my cervix instead of artificial hormonal cervix ripeners (they can cause uterine rupture).  A foley bulb is basically a catheter they fill with saline solution to inflate to manually open my cervix to 3 cm.  In the process of getting that inserted, the OB thought my water broke.  Two inconclusive litmus tests (one was basic and another was acidic), a microscopic slide, and an hour later the foley bulb went in.  It was probably the most uncomfortable thing I have ever endured.  You have this thing in your bits that’s stretching your cervix, which they occasionally have to keep pulling on to make sure there is tension (like every 2 hours).  Every time they created more tension, an influx of hormones rushed through my body on top of uncomfortable pain and contractions.  I was sweating like crazy, felt incredibly nauseous (they had a bag there for me to vomit in), I was walking very gingerly to not create more tension, and moaning/crying in pain every few minutes because of contractions and my hips felt like they were going to fall apart.  Just when things would settle, in comes a nurse to add more tension (GREAT!).  What was suppose to be an all night affair with the foley bulb turned out to be a quick 8ish hours of craziness.  The foley bulb  was out and I was 3cm dilated!  Yippee!!!

Then things started to turn sour.  They started a low dose of pitocin to help strengthen the contractions I already was having.  I was contracting on my own, but not steadily enough and not nearly strong enough (if I were to walk into L&D in that state they would tell me to go home).  So the pitocin was needed.  Unfortunately, after an hour my labor was becoming like my son’s.  No matter what position I was in the baby’s heart rate would not recover fast enough during contractions.  The head of the department, as well as a midwife, my nurse, a resident, and another OB came in to tell me the bad news that I knew was coming–I needed to have another c-section.  I was still only 3cm dilated.  If I were further along, they would have let me labor longer.  But the conclusion that the head of the department told Dan and I was that the outcome for the baby would not be good if she were have to endure hours of labor (I still had another 7cm to go and go through the pushing stage, and there was no way of telling how long that would take).  Everyone left my room for 5 minutes to let me have a cry because I was truly disappointed with the outcome.  I signed paperwork for the c-section and then I was rushed into the operating room down the hall.  30 minutes later, Samantha was born.

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While I was, and still am disappointed about how my labor went, I am overjoyed with the outcome.  A friend told me that she was sad for me that my VBAC didn’t happen, which made me angry.  Why should there be any sadness?  No one died; everyone is healthy.  What is there to be sad about?  How a baby comes into the world, whether naturally, with drugs, or via c-section, isn’t the be all, end all.  It is merely a blimp in the radar in your journey to parenting.  Even my doula reminded me that my priority that I listed first in my birth plan was a healthy baby.  Yes, I’m disappointed.  I worked hard and did a lot more than I did with my son to help with the VBAC.  But sad?  No, because I have a little baby girl who I am over the moon in love with.

Hello and Goodbye Due Date: A Second Time Mom’s Perspective

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As expected, my due date came and went.  With my first I was 4 days over due, and right now I’m still in that range.  I remember being very impatient, excited, and anxious about my due date.  “When will he get here?”  “I can’t wait to meet him!”  I recall the waiting incredibly exciting that we are about to have a little baby.  Who wouldn’t be excited?!

This time around it is slightly different.  At 37 weeks my OB asked if I wanted my membranes swept to help get the labor process started in the right direction.  If I were a first time mom I would have said, “Hells yes!”  Guess what I told the OB?  I told her I wanted to wait until the next week because my parents would be in town and it would be a lot easier if they were in town if I did happen to go into labor soon after the sweep.

At my 38 week appointment my OB swept my membranes.  Hoorah!  No labor though.  We also talked about the possibility of induction.  She wanted to schedule it a few days after 41 weeks, which is great for anyone who wants to achieve a VBAC.  It gives you an opportunity to go into labor on your own, which increases your chances of a successful VBAC.  Instead of being happy and agreeing, I asked if it would be possible to do it earlier.  Why?  Because I need my parents to be here so that they can watch my son while my husband and I are in the hospital.

So ideally at this point (only a day past my due date) I would love to go into labor now.  But at the same time, am I ready for my family’s world to be turned upside down?  There’s just so much more anxiety this go around, mostly surrounding the adjustment to everything by everyone.  Most especially for my son.  Even though I try very hard to teach him that the world doesn’t revolve around him, with regards to adding a sibling I’m bending over backwards to make sure this transition for him goes over smoothly (or as smoothly as possible).  So.  Much.  Anxiety.

Today was the start of my second time mom’s group.  Half of us were still pregnant with our second and the other half had their brand new babies in their arms, sleeping or nursing.  They were all very cute and tiny.  And for the most part the mom’s looked fine and were surviving, despite having the same anxieties I do.  But I still joked around saying, “Is it too late to change my mind?”  I see examples all the time that having 2 is possible; that one day you’ll be able to sleep again and have 2 fine children.  It’s still terrifying.

So for now I’m enjoying the status quo.  Even though my son has a slight fever, I’m enjoying the routine, the snuggles, and my ability to give him all the attention he needs.  Because I know that any moment now things will be turned upside down for everyone.  You know what they say:  hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Procrastinating

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So I still have a laundry list of things to do before this baby arrives in 4 weeks, and I haven’t done anything (at least related to baby).  I did put up some photos above one of the couches in our living room, so that means I’m kind of productive right?

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My list of things to do includes a lot of baby related laundry, the uncovering and cleaning of infant toys, and packing the hospital bag.  All very important things to do.

It’s funny how with the first I was on top of all of this.  At this point in my pregnancy I finished everything I needed to do in preparation for the new baby, and all I was focused on was waiting.  This time around I’m mostly just waiting and relaxing (when my son is at preschool of course).  Perhaps I’m being a bit lax this time around because I know it’s not the be all and end all to be super prepared?  I’ll just keep telling myself that to make me feel better.  But hopefully I’ll get more baby related posts together soon.

32 Weeks!

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new_cribOMG!  8 weeks left and I feel so ill prepared for this new baby.  I think with Oliver I already had his nursery decorated.  We at least have the crib set up and the mattress.  But I guess I should take off the plastic from the mattress and maybe put the fitted sheet and crib skirt on.  I still need to wash the few new baby outfits my parents and in-laws bought.  I also need to go through my son’s old clothes and sort those away.  There’s just so much to do and I’m just so tired and unmotivated to do any of it.  So different from the first.

The Little Things

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Everyone knows that being a stay at home parent is tough.  It is often a thankless job that has horrible pay and little to no vacation.  If anyone ever had a job with these benefits they would immediately start looking for a new one.! My first job out of college I worked 60+ hours a week, rarely got any appreciation from my clients let alone my supervisors, got depressed if I calculated my salary to an hourly rate, but at least I got ok, flexible vacation.  Fast forward to today, and now I think that job was a cake walk!!!  I know that I’m not the first (and certainly not the last) to write/complain/vent about my choice to stay at home, but I’m going to anyway.

The last two weeks or so has been super hard on me.  On top of a demanding 2 year old, I’ve been having severe pubic bone pain and sometimes your normal back pain.  If you’ve never had pubic bone pain while pregnant (lucky you!) or don’t know what I’m talking about you can read about it here.  I’ve gotten a maternity belt to help, but at the end of the day I’m always in pain.  And to top it all off, my husband had friends visiting from London and Australia.  Ordinarily I wouldn’t care and would actually encourage him to have fun with the boys, but like I said it has been hard caring for Oliver.  My husband would usually do the night time bath and put him to sleep, which is super helpful because it’s hard for me to hunch over the bath and lift him, etc.  But having to do that for most of the week took it’s toll on me, and of course no ounce of gratitude from my husband who strolled in at 2am most nights.

So last night I was feeling a bit down because again I was left with night duties (husband had his normal Thursday night soccer game) and Oliver was just extra cranky/terrible twos.  But when we were in his room he wanted to cuddle.  That hasn’t happened in ages.  It’s normally peace out mom when all mom wants is an extra second of cuddles at drop off for preschool or randomly during the day.  But we cuddled and suddenly he was asleep on my shoulder.  This hasn’t happened in at least a year (maybe more?)!!!  If I didn’t have to pee so badly I would have relished that moment for an extra 5 minutes (who knows, probably all night).  It was such a sweet moment; one that I really needed.  I needed that reminder of why I stay at home; to have these moments where my son can be extra affectionate and seeks comfort from me.  I needed that moment because these moments will happen less frequently and then one day will just completely stop–he’ll stop asking for cuddles, he won’t give you kisses on demand, he won’t randomly tell you, “I love you” every hour.  So no matter how hard and tired and annoyed I get, I have to remember that it is all worth it in the end for these small jewels–these sweet moments.

Dinner For 2

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So this is probably a bit presumptuous, but I made a dinner reservation for 8 days after my due date.  I really want a nice steak dinner, and the restaurant I made a reservation for is impossible to get a respectable dinner reservation a month in advance.  Even now (2 months ahead) there were slim pickings.  So I just bit the bullet and did it.  Hopefully this baby girl will come some what on time so I don’t have the cancel the reservation.  Less than 9 weeks until our world gets turned upside down (for the better, I hope)!!!

Baby Girl 3D/4D Ultrasound

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3d4d_ultrasoundI forgot to mention that I got an extra ultrasound a few weeks ago to check on cervical length and just because UCSF wanted their own peeps to do a scan.  This was the best 3D/4D picture we could get during our session.  This baby girl was covering her face with her arms, and at one point her feet, for pretty much the entire time.  We had to jiggle her in there for a bit to see if she would move, and this is what she gave us.  Already stubborn like her dad!

She’s looking more and more like a chubby little baby.  Also like her brother when he was first born.  Very amazing!  What’s not amazing is that she needs a name!!!

TWO!

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toddler_mutant_ninja_turtleI have a two year old!  WTF?!  I swear he was just a baby last week, and now here we are at age TWO!!!  It’s amazing how fast time goes by.  I mean every parent tells you that it goes by so quickly, but Oliver’s 2nd birthday really slapped me in the face several times with this reality.  He is genuinely a little boy who loves to run around, climb (good lord the climbing!), and is talking more and more.  We have our terrible two’s moments (the tantrums, the no’s, the mini-teen), but for the most part he is a happy little boy who loves puzzles and reading, when he can’t climb of course.  It’s just amazing how much he has grown in the last 6 months, let alone year!  Seriously, where did the time go?!

first_day_preschoolOn top of that, Oliver started preschool this week (part-time, 3 days a week).  It has been rougher on me than it is on him I think (although today was the first time he cried at drop off).  He had an ok first day (didn’t eat much breakfast and didn’t nap), but has since thrived at the school.  It validated our decision to send him to school, even though two is crazy young.  But the teachers report he loves the activities and the environment alone is forcing him to socialize with his peers.  This was truly important to me.  As much as I miss being with him every day and our play dates with friends, I think having the consistency of school and navigating the social intricacies of that environment will help Oliver out in the long run.  He comes home very happy, which is great!  Added bonus is he already knows two Spanish words, at least words I also know (he’s attending a Spanish immersion preschool).

As I mentioned earlier, it has been hard on me.  I was an emotional wreck the first day of school (even though the above picture would say otherwise).  I managed to hold it together until after we dropped him off, and then I weeped in the car as my husband laughed/consoled me.  Two years of my life was devoted to him, and now I have to let go a little.  I know it’s for the best, but I think it’s just hard to let go because I am losing my baby.  But as my husband reminded me on that first day, it will be good for him and good for me to get rest during the last trimester.  It has been getting more and more exhausting caring for a very active boy when the new baby is incredibly high up, making it difficult to breathe sometimes.  Ugh, I’m tearing up just typing this!!!  He’s TWO!

Doula

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So I have managed to secure a doula, all for the price of free!!!  This is great, especially since we live in San Francisco where the average rate for a doula is a $1,000.  Yes, you read that right–$1,000!!!  And because I’m a SAHM, our budget is very limited especially with the out-of-pocket cost for this pregnancy.  There’s no way we could fit a doula in our already tight budget.

Wondering how I found my free doula?  I contacted the local trainer for DONA International.  They are the international governing body who certifies doulas around the world.  Part of becoming a DONA certified doula is attending three births after you are done with your coursework.  Usually, these doulas-in-training have a hard time charging for their services initially because they aren’t certified and don’t have any births under their belts.  So most, not all, are willing to offer their help for free as long as you are ok with someone with little to no experience.

I managed to find one who also happens to be a massage therapist by trade!  Score!!!  She said she would be able to help my husband do some massage techniques to help with the pain of labor.  We definitely lucked out with this find, and I’m so grateful.

You must be wondering why I want a doula to attend my birth after having said I am by no means a crunchy mom in my previous post.  So there are two reasons I’ve decided to find a doula.

First, I’m worried that we will be in the lurch if I go into labor and can’t find someone to watch my son, even if it’s for a few hours.  So rather than having me left alone in the hospital, it would be nice to have a doula there to help me if my husband has to be away to make sure our son has some where safe to go for a bit.  Right now my parents are planning on coming out from the East Coast for my due date, but any parent knows labor is never on a schedule.  So it is nice to have that extra piece of mind.

Lastly, I think we would benefit from the extra support to have a vaginal delivery.  Like I said previously, I would like to have a successful VBAC.  I want to make sure that I recover quickly so that I can immediately return to being a mother to my son and new baby.  If the doula can give both my husband and I that extra push and confidence to achieve VBAC, then why not have her there?  She knows my story, and knows that above all else I want a healthy baby.  And contrary to popular belief, doulas aren’t necessarily there to push natural child birthing.  This doula was very sympathetic and open to epidurals, and never pushing any of her agenda or what she thinks birthing should be like.  So I’m very happy with that and I feel like she knows what is important to us and our birth.  I’m hoping that her skills and knowledge will help us.

So yay for free doulas!!!  🙂