Category Archives: Mommy Life

VBAC Update #2

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So since my last update I decided to switch hospitals and OBs.  Crazy, I know since I’m 22 weeks right now.  But the hospital I was originally planning on delivering at has very stringent rules about VBACs, which in turn governs how my OB practices.  Basically my OB was not allowing me to go beyond my due date–she had me schedule a repeat c-section for my due date in case I don’t go into labor beforehand.  Despite her reassurances that I would go into labor before my due date, I still found her confidence in at least attempting to labor so false after her absolute insistence on scheduling a c-section for my due date.  As any mother knows, it’s absolutely impossible to know exactly when a baby will arrive.  The 40 weeks medicine uses is just the average gestational period–it is not a clear marker of when the baby is ready.  And the 40 weeks are just estimates, at best, based on size and last menstrual period.  The range is 37-42 weeks.  Plus my due date was actually adjusted 4 days, so theoretically I could go into labor 4 days after my actual due date just because the size of the baby wasn’t accurate for dating.  So I decided to switch up the hospital and OB because I at least want to try to go into labor when the baby is ready to come out–not when a doctor thinks it’s best.

My new practice and hospital is one of the best medical universities in the country.  Because of this they have great facilities and practices that aren’t as conservative as my previous hospital and OB.  I’ll be seeing a midwife initially, which I’m a bit hesitant about.  But it has gotten a rousing endorsement from many moms in the neighborhood I live in that have undergone VBAC, and successfully.  So my care begins on Thursdays when I have my first appointment.

Ultimately, I just want to make sure this baby comes out healthy.  And I believe that part of that is allowing me to labor, even if it is just for a little bit.  I would love to experience a vaginal birth, just because the recovery time will be so much better than having a c-section.  But the baby’s health comes first, and I believe the new hospital and practice are inline with my philosophy.

VBAC

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So today my OB and I decided that I make a good candidate for VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).  I’m actually a bit nervous about VBAC.  I know that the risk of uterine rupture is very low, but it still exists.  The hospital where I am delivering at also has a very low uterine rupture rate, which is a bit relieving.  I have always been a firm believer of doing what is best for the baby, which some of the most ardent natural birthers attribute to me going down the road of c-section with my first child.  I don’t regret the decision to do the c-section.  My OB at the time was very supportive of me having a vaginal birth.  But we clearly saw that my son was going into distress–there was no hiding that.  I did what I had to do as a mother to have a healthy baby.  I’m prepared to do the same with this baby girl.  But I do hope that I will have a successful VBAC.

It’s A Girl!

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God I haven’t updated in FOREVER!  Here are my excuses:

  1. We went on vacation for 3 weeks; and though I had access to the interwebs, I was just too busy.
  2. Pregnancy the second time around is just sooooo incredibly tiring.
  3. Did I mention I’m tired all the time?

Anyhoo, we have been back home for a few weeks now and are back in a groove.  And we also found out that this new monster is a GIRL!!!  We are thrilled and happy to have one of each, but I am also a bit scared about a girl.  The first time around I knew that I wanted a boy first, and thankfully that happened.  This time around I wasn’t as opinionated.  And now that we know, I’m kind of scared about a girl mostly because I’ve never been a girly girl.  I am also terrified of puberty 13 years down the road.  I was a terrible teenager, and I know that this little princess will be too (karma right?).

So hoorah for baby girls right?!  And with that I hope to update more frequently with recipes, photos, etc.

Sonogram #1

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sonogramSo I went in for my first OB appointment for this pregnancy.  I know it is very very late, even my doctor said so.  But scheduling prevented us from seeing her the previous week; trust me, I want to go in as soon as possible.  Everything was normal, and I’m actually 9 weeks 4 days instead of 9 weeks (which they based on my last period).  I didn’t hear the heartbeat, but that’s because she said it was too early (which I remember happening with my first too).

This pregnancy is different than my first for so many reasons.  I guess the good and bad thing is I have an incredibly active and happy 19 month old.  It’s bad because I feel like I’m neglecting him in a small way because I feel so incredibly exhausted and nauseous.  If I had a choice, I would lay on the couch or bed all day.  But it’s good that my son makes me get up and attack the world, albeit at 75% some days.  I’m not sure if it is him or this pregnancy in general, but I don’t feel as nauseous as when I was pregnant with him.  There are some days where smells overwhelm me, but not as often or as horribly when I was pregnant with him.  But it makes me wonder if I am actually pregnant sometimes or if I’m about to miscarry because I don’t feel pregnant like I was before.  I can’t tell if my son distracts me from my pregnancy woes or if this pregnancy is just different or maybe this pregnancy isn’t to be?  Who knows.

Another huge difference is I don’t feel quite as excited (maybe emotional) as I did with the first.  I think I’m more concerned about how to balance life with two kids around, which parts of me feels like I’m neglecting this new child because there’s no excitement surrounding their impending growth and arrival.  And perhaps the excitement isn’t there because my husband didn’t come with me to the first appointment.  He worked from home while he watched our son, so I was at the office on my own.  We could have gotten a babysitter or brought the kid with us, but we decided against it.  If there was any excitement to be had, I had no one to share it with (even though I do like my OB, it would be really awkward getting super excited with her).

We haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy, although I have a feeling a few of our friends are surmising the possibility that I am with child.  I did tell a good friend from back home and my brother, and both are incredibly excited.  Then we tell my parents Saturday morning.  I go back to the doctor again in two weeks, we check the new baby progress, and hopefully around May we can let the cat out of the bag.  Until then, mum is still the word since the likelihood of a miscarriage is still high.

Paternity Leave?

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There’s a lot of controversy about the lack of maternity leave here in the US, let alone paternity leave.  But I wanted to chime in on my thoughts regarding paternity leave after a few radio hosts criticized Met’s baseball player Daniel Murphy.

I hear what the radio hosts are saying.  Men are unable to breastfeed.  Men aren’t physically pushing the child out.  Their roles, especially with this growing family, is to be the provider.  And that means going to work and earning money.  Fair enough.

But I believe that a lot of bonding happens at birth.  The new baby has finally entered the world and is experiencing all these new senses, of which is seeing, smelling, and touching.  It is a scary time for a baby who is suddenly in a new world, and it is looking to the parents as they explore these senses.  Many studies suggest that skin to skin contact is important for both mother and child in those early hours.  But I also want to add that I think it’s important for dad’s too!  This is such a special moment for both parents and new child, that missing it means they can never get that moment back.

Boomer Esiason’s comments most angered me.  He speaks as if Murphy’s livelihood is at stake; that if he doesn’t show up to Opening Day, his family will become homeless and starve.  It is a slap in the face to the men who are living pay check to pay check, and really do face this incredible dilemma when they have a child:  do I miss the birth of my child and miss a day’s worth of pay that means I can pay help the rent or buy food?  I’m sure Murphy has saved and invested his earnings from baseball.  And I’m sure missing a day or two of baseball will not end his career let alone cause this catastrophic downfall to the poor house.  Murphy is of the small privilege class who is able to take paternity leave, and receive no financial consequence (only negative local media).

This just speaks to our culture and our views of fathers in the lives of their children.  Is this why we see many deadbeat dads?  Is this why many mothers feel incredibly stress after a child, especially if they suffer from post-partum depression?  We as a country need to start valuing the roles of fathers, from day 1.  Not from the point when a dad needs to begin disciplining the child or when the child becomes less dependent on the mother.  A family is a two parent household, and involves more than just bringing home a pay check.  Fathers are important too, and it’s time that we need to make sure they know that.

Pregnancy Woes

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So I’m about 6 weeks pregnant, which is nothing to write home about.  The risk of miscarriage is still pretty high, which is why we haven’t told any of our friends and family about it.  I have noticed subtle differences from my first and this one.  Most notably I feel as though I’m not as crazy as I was with my first.  I remember consulting the Mayo Clinic’s Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy every other day because there were times I didn’t feel pregnant or had weird feelings I was unsure about.  There are times where I do feel as though I may not be pregnant, but they are few and far between.  I think it’s mostly cause I’m battling terrible allergies whilst chasing around Baby Monster.  The book is still very helpful, even the second time around.  There’s a lot you forget about pregnancy, perhaps your mind telling you that you can have another one.  But as of right now, it’s not as terrible as the first.

Baby #2

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So when I bought this domain I was being a bit presumptuous because we don’t have a second child.  My husband and I were actively trying to have another child the last couple of months.  And yesterday was the big day, where I had a positive pregnancy test.  I’ve already made my first prenatal appointment next month (my doctor doesn’t like seeing pregnant women until closer to 10 weeks).  So I guess this is really happening, which is scary and overwhelming and awesome.  And yes, I’m keenly aware that I shouldn’t announce this before 13 weeks.  A friend and my husband are the only people who know, but I just needed to put this down into words.  Crazy stuff!

I’m Not the Nanny

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baby_monster_frogWe’ve lived in SF for over a year now, and it is not uncommon to find more nannies than parents out on the playground.  And this makes sense here in SF because the cost of living sometimes means that you need two incomes.  By no means are nannies or daycares or preschools are cheap, but it isn’t worth giving up that second income because you can’t really live.

We are fortunate enough that we can live on one income.  We might not be able to travel like we used to or enjoy nice expensive meals (and sometimes not save as much as we used to), but we are able to make it work in an incredibly expensive city.

Stay at home mom’s feels like a rare breed here in SF.  I do meet moms and dads on the playground, but more often than not they are able to work from home for at least part of the week/day.  I’d like to believe that I get mistaken as the nanny because it is rare to find a stay at home mom.  But I’m sure my race and looks also lead people to believe I’m the nanny.  By looks, I mean people mistake me for a teenager sometimes.  I always get carded for alcohol, and I still sometimes get carded for a rated R movie (especially if I don’t wear makeup).  Maybe one day when I’m out with Baby Monster people will think I’m the mother.

Moving with a Newborn

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golden_gate_bridgeIn October 2012 my husband was offered a job in San Francisco.  We lived in SF the previous year, knowing it was only temporary, and loved it.  But we were a newly wed couple (1.5 years of marriage) still doing what late 20-somethings do in a city.  When the temporary gig was up, we moved back to my hometown to our old life more or less.

Baby Monster was a mere 2 months old when we were faced with this second huge life change (the first being his birth).  We were still adjusting as new parents, but with the benefit of having my parents and brother, not to mention the countless of friends, there to help us along the way.  We were exhausted, happy, overwhelmed, everything new parents experience, but we had the benefit of our personal support network.

Husband also got a job offer at a company in my hometown, which pay wise was great.  But deep down we knew that the best thing for husband’s career was to pick up and move to SF.  And so he left at the end of October to embark on his new job opportunity, in addition to sort things out so that the transition for Baby Monster would be seemingly seamless.

Baby Monster and I finally made the leap in December 2012 at 4 months old.  Not only were we dealing with a huge move and 3 time zones, but the dreaded 4 month sleep regression.  Husband and I were even more exhausted, stressed, angry, sad, beaten, and without our support system.  Sure we had friends here, but we were the only ones married let alone with child.  My husband’s parents did come for Christmas, but that only provided a temporary reprieve and even then they too dreaded the sleep regression.  At our wits end, I was prepared to leave my husband and take Baby Monster back home with me.  I loved him dearly, but at the time I felt like things changed for the worse because everything was left behind on the other side of the country.

Ultimately we stuck it out and became stronger as family.  Baby Monster learned how to sleep again (thanks to sleep training).  Husband and I worked through our roles as parents to help support each other more.  We try to do things that we used to do before Baby Monster.  We began to develop a new support network here in SF.

The point of this post is to remind everyone, especially myself, that the mantra “This too shall pass” is, in fact, incredibly true.  It may seem like the end of the world and you may be desperate enough as a parent to give up, but you’ll learn from it, grow from it, and be stronger because of it (as cliché as it may be).  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.